I am the luckiest mom in the world ...

In the past few weeks both my beautiful girls have celebrated birthdays. Emily just turned 10 and Amber 12. I just can't believe how big they are getting and how fast they are growing up. I love them so much and they are absolutely the centre of my universe. I am so proud of the little women they are becoming. They really are great kids, so polite, so nice, so well behaved, so smart. I just love them to bits and pieces. I really am the luckiest mom in the world ...

Thursday Thirteen : 13 Reasons I Am Excited About Moving

I am moving July 1st and am so excited. The past 8 months I have been living at a friend's house and have almost all things I own packed and in storage and have been sleeping on the couch.

Here's 13 Reasons I Am Excited About Moving.

1. I get a bedroom - which means a real bed to sleep in

2. I finally get a room to myself to go to when I need to relax

3. I get to unpack my rooster collection - I know they are just roosters but I have missed them all the same

4. My bedroom is in the loft which means I can turn half of it into a creating space - I can't wait to unpack all my craft supplies - I can finally start art journaling and tole painting again

5. The kids each get their own bedroom - no sharing and getting on each other's nerves

6. There are two flights of stairs - maybe I can tone up a bit

7. It's right beside the kids school, they can go there to play anytime they want

8. I have some new furniture (well new to me) and I can't wait to see how it all fits

9. It's not as big as where I have been staying so I should be able to keep it clean (**should**)

10. It's got a bigger kitchen than my last apartment so I'll hopefully start enjoying cooking again

11. It's right across the street from the mall and grocery store which means i have more reason to walk

12. It's withing walking distance for the girls to visit their dad

13. I finally get to put up all my photos and tole painting - I have missed looking at these familiar pieces.

Daddy's Gone

On Thursday June 2nd, 2011 my father Art Schoenherr passed away. I just can't believe it. I think I am still in a bit of shock. He's been sick for a very long time. I haven't shared that with many people as he was a proud man and he didn't want people to know he was sick. After being sick for months just after Christmas we found out that dad has colon cancer. In April he had surgery to remove the tumor. We were told that they got it all and that it had not affected any other part of the body. That he was cancer free. When he came home from the hospital after surgery he just kept getting sicker and sicker each day. He stopped eating and was hardly drinking anything and he became so weak. Mom and I & finally called an ambulance this Tuesday to have him taken to hospital. He was stubborn though and wanted to stay home. He was admitted into hospital on Tuesday and then passed away Thursday morning. I was there with him. That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I am going to miss him so very much. He was a hard man, a stubborn man but he was a good man and I loved him so very much. He was an incredible Popa to my girls. I just can't believe we have to live without him now. That he won't be there when we go out to the house. That he won't be at the cottage this summer. I feel like part of me is missing.

Dad, you were an amazing dad and an amazing Popa. Thank you for everything you have ever done for me. I was the luckiest person in the world they day I was adopted and you became my dad. I love you with my whole heart and will be thinking of you and missing you every single day. Rest well Daddy. I love you.

Currents

The original idea for this weekly post came from life love paper . Thought I'd try it out as well. So here goes:

listening: Cry To Jesus by Chris Rice
eating: nothing yet
drinking: coffee of coarse
wearing: p.j. pants, t-shirt
feeling: worried
weather: 15 degrees
wanting: to relax
needing: some peace
thinking: about my dad
enjoying: some quiet time before I wake the girls for school
wondering: how dad will be today

1000th POST !!!

I cannot believe that this is my 1000th post. When I started this blog back in 2007 I had never ever imagined continuing with it to the point of having 1000 posts. I must say that blogging is something that really captured my heart and soul. It something I do mostly just for me. Somewhere real that I can share thoughts, feelings, scrapbooking, photographs. Something that can show glimpses of the real me and inside my world. Over these past years of blogging I have made many friendships I dearly cherish. All because I chose to write. To share. For me blogging has been such a wonderful addition to my life. It is something i hope to continue for a long while.

1000 posts !

I Choose

I came across this post I wrote back in September 2006. I think it's great that I still choose all these things in my life. I CHOOSE:

• To live my life to the fullest every single day!


• To follow wherever God asks me to go!


• To love unconditionally!


• To live with integrity!


• To not be afraid anymore!


• To be honest with those I love!


• To show forgiveness!


• To use my gifts to help others!


• To matter. I am worth it!


• To cross my lines and take that first step!


• To allow my self to soar!


• To reach all my dreams and goals!

Dealing With The Unexpected

It's amazing how one thing can change everything about your life. This past week I have had an unexpected family crisis come up. One that has taken every ounce of my time both emotionally and physically. One that has changed the very core of who I am and who I want to be. Everyone keeps telling me that things happen for a reason. I have yet to uncover any reason for this. I need to trust in myself now that I have what it takes to cope, to encourage and to love. I need to trust that I can deal with what has come our way. I need to believe.

When I am not affraid to fail, I won't.

Baby Steps

I received this email in my inbox this morning from Lynn Cutts from the Weekly Challengers found at the Manage Your Muse Blog.

Baby Steps
"When you're trying to make, and keep, a New Year's resolution, it helps to focus on one small step at a time. Don't bite off more than you can chew. Choose one small action that you know you can do successfully, do it for three or four weeks, and then increase it or add another. That way you're building on success instead of courting failure.
Until next week, may the Muse live happily in your heart, and may passion bloom in your soul,
Lynn"

This email arrived on a perfect morning, one where I find myself re-assessing goals and dreams and thinking about what I want from my year ahead. It really made me think specifically about my plan to participate in Project 365 this year. This is a big goal for me as I am the type of person who tires of routine and daily things I feel as if I "must" do. It is one I have set though as I want to document and record my time spent, special details of my children's lives, my thoughts and my feelings. These photos I take daily will help me to do that, they will help my family and myself to remember.
This morning I was beating myself up over the fact that I did not take pictures this weekend. Reality is my anxiety levels were at a max and I just didn't feel like taking pictures, I didn't feel like recording any moment from my weekend.
This morning I felt like I had failed at my project already.
Then I read this email and my mood and my expectations of myself changed. I no longer feel as if I failed at my project, now I feel as if I took a much needed few days off and am now back and have already taken my pictures today. I'll just move forward and remind myself that there will be days I just won't take pictures. And that's alright.

I'm back ...

Wow ... can't believe it's been a week since I have blogged. I photographed a wedding this past weekend and got so caught up in it that I've neglected this little blog all week. I have missed it. I love sharing bits and pieces of myself but it's not just that, I love documenting photos and scrapbooks and things I love. This daily (almost) blog allows me to look back on the past years and see where I was at, who I was, and what I was doing. I love blogging. I hope that somehow through some of my blog posts I am able to help others, make them smile, perhaps make their day.

Dear Santa ... I've tried to be a good girl ...

If I end up on the Nice List here's my Christmas list ...

Jonas Brothers Concert

When I learned that the Jonas brothers were coming to Ottawa I just had to get tickets for the girls to be able to go. I just knew they would love the experience and it was something I thought it would be a wonderful way to end the summer.

Here's the girls outside Scotiabank Place.
waiting in the lobby

mmm pizza

Honor Society

Jordin Sparks

Us girls

the Jonas Brothers

Amber clapped, danced, jump and sang through the whole concert. It was wonderful to see.

love their hands

finale.

My Favorite Things Saturday

One of my favorite things this past week was taking the girls to the Jonas Brothers Concert.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

i took a little walk down memory lane tonight and it brought back so many wonderful memories. Here ... walk along with me.

Change the clocks ... change everything else?

When I know Spring is coming and it's finally time to change the clocks again it becomes an interesting time of year for me. You see, I start thinking about having more daylight time, I start seeing the signs of Spring ahead, and I start wanting change. I start looking at all the places in my life that I am unhappy and I start making lists of what I want to change, and how I could change it. I want to start setting new routines. I want fresh air all the time. I want things cleaned, and organized, and smelling good. I want that feeling of new that comes with Spring, that feeling of growth. I have some big goals set for this spring, and a lot of organizing and cleaning to do. But I think I am ready.

One Year Ago

While catching up on my blog reading I came across this post on Emily Falconbridge's blog. She challenged everyone to go check their photo files and see what they were doing one year ago. Here's the picture I found. I absolutely love this one - it was so fun to go back and see what was going on in our lives this time last year.

The cutest little conversation...

I just overheard the cutest little conversation while the girls were in their room being made to clean it. It went like this:

Emily - Amber, can you get me that laundry hamper over there I don't want to walk over this pig die to get to it.
Amber - Pig die? you mean pig sty mom says pig sty.
Emily - what's a sty?
Amber - I don't know.

It was the cutest I couldn't help but giggle listening outside their door. I guess they are listening to me when I freak out about the condition of their room. HeHe. Maybe one day instead of just listening it'll one day sink in for them.

What's in my head this morning...

I am feeling very stressed today. Like I can't do anything right and like I'm trying to keep my head above the water stuck in a current in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight. I keep thinking that as I get older things will get easier, that I'll be able to manage things so much better. Feels like the older I get the more out of control everything around me gets. I have so much I need to gain control of, so much I need to figure out and sort out. Don't know where to start or how to follow through with anything. Feels like I am so weak. Why can't I be the woman I want and achieve the things I want? Why can't I be stronger? I have turned into someone I never wanted to be - someone I am not proud of, but how do I change? Where do I begin? My girls deserve so much more. I need to get it together. For them. I need to give them so much more. They deserve so much more.

Update

Wow, does it ever feel nice to be sitting here with my cup of coffee this morning checking email, going on facebook and updating my blog. I sure have missed having the internet. Well actually I've mostly missed the form of communication that the internet provides. My last few posts left a lot of you wondering what was going on in my life and if we are all ok. I can tell you now that we are all going to be fine. I don't really want to discuss on my public blog what happened with our family - all I can say is that it really shook all of us up. Things are improving though and are slowly getting back to normal. I am seeing my kids happier and happier each day. It really has been a tough couple of months but I am sure we are all stronger because of it or at least we will be someday. The kids are having lots of fun lately, we've been spending some great family times together, skating, going to the movies, playing games - just having fun. They are getting so big and maturing so much each day. Seems like my time with them is just flying by. I have been doing lots and lots of digital scrapbook pages and will be posting some for you all to see (I think I did 68 pages in January - an all time record for me.)

I'm Back!!!!

Hi all - I am back to the world on internet and blissful mornings with my cup of coffee. Just thought I'd send out a little hello. I will update more a little later on how we're all doing here.