Saturday, September 19, 2009

Straight Out Of the Camera Saturday

My Favorite Things Saturday

One of my favorite things this week was the evening the girls and I went to the park. the temperature was perfect. The sky absolutely incredible. One side was a gorgeous sunset, the other dark black clouds. Beautiful. We played on the play structure and the swings and then walked around the docks. Such a nice relaxing time with the girls.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Thoughtful Friday

Friday Fill-Ins

1. My car (van) needs to be cleaned.

2. Mom's birthday is coming up next.

3. Lately, things seem a little more routined now that school has started.

4. My house is one of my favorite 'hiding' places.

5. What happened to the innocence of children? They grow up so fast these days.

6. Dealing with my mental illness is not impossible!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to playing SIMS, tomorrow my plans include watching movies and Sunday, I want to clean the kitchen!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Borderline Personality Disorder

This video is so close to describing how I feel everyday of my life. I have spent so long thinking I am crazy. The more I am learning about BPD the more I am discovering that there are others out there who feel like I do. i am not alone.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Living with mental illness every single day of my life makes me often feel like I am wearing so many different masks. It is getting to be so easy for me to hide what is really going on in my mind, the thoughts running around in my head. I let different people see different things. But I never let anyone see the real me. You see, I am scared to. I really believe that if I showed people the real me that they would see how crazy I really am. That thought terrifies me. So instead I hide behind all these little masks. I need to remember to be REAL, to be AUTHENTIC, to be ME always.
The more I am learning about borderline personality disorder the more the things I do make sense. I am definitely someone who appears put together on the outside but who is a mess on the inside. For people with BPD this can be common.
The book Imbroglio: Rising to the Challenges of the Borderline Personality Disorder says "...the borderline appears always to function well, especially in professional or academic situations that are structured, supportive or both. Meanwhile she is binding her interior fragmentation with shoestrings, perhaps spending many, many hours crying hysterically or using self-destructive behaviors to cope." It's almost as if I am living parts of my life in contadiction.

Monday, September 14, 2009

My Best Shot Monday

This is Emily and our little Ghoster. He passed away last nigh and Emily is just devastated. This is my favorite picture of Emily with Ghoster.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Do you ever have one of those God moments that just blows you away?

Here it is 1 am. The house is quiet, the kids asleep and I am wide awake. At this early hour I am feeling tired, beaten, just really low. It's been a tough week for me. I have found myself questioning God and His decisions all week. I have been angry.
The house is quiet so I turn on my playlist for some music. I don't know what made me say it but as I went to choose which song to start with I just held onto the mouse, closed my eyes and said "God show me which song, show me what it is that you want to tell me." I clicked on this song. You Never Let Go by Matt Redman. I've always loved this song but the lyrics are really hitting me hard this morning.

You Never Let Go by Matt Redman
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth


Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Just one of those God moments that has blown me away.

Beautiful Sunday

Sunday, September 06, 2009

First sign of fall outside my window


You know lately it has been feeling like everything around me and SpinningWindsinside of me is spinning. Feels like everything is going by in a blur and the thoughts inside my head won’t slow down. The thoughts seem to be moving so fast through my head that some days I can hardly keep up with them. I need them to slow down. I need to calm myself. I need to BREATHE. I need to remember to focus … on one thing at a time. Otherwise I am going to miss precious moments that will pass me by while I’m too busy spinning.


Beautiful Sunday

My old bible.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Jonas Brothers Concert

When I learned that the Jonas brothers were coming to Ottawa I just had to get tickets for the girls to be able to go. I just knew they would love the experience and it was something I thought it would be a wonderful way to end the summer.

Here's the girls outside Scotiabank Place.
waiting in the lobby

mmm pizza

Honor Society

Jordin Sparks

Us girls
the Jonas Brothers

Amber clapped, danced, jump and sang through the whole concert. It was wonderful to see.

love their hands


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